Halloween is the only seasonal event of the year that allows for the most inappropriate costumes. No other occasion permits you to dress up as your favorite breakfast meal with a side of sex appeal or as a dirty, filthy mammal and not be side-eyed for your decision making process.
There’s also no other social event that receives more flack for the racy, sexy, you’re-just-wearing-lingerie-and-saying-you’re-a-movie-character costumes than All Saints Day. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want to dress up as a Playboy Bunny, then you make sure to be the best damn Playboy Bunny at that party.
All I’m saying is, lets not be the guy that dresses up in a Ku Klux Klan costume and accessorizes it with another man donning blackface and a noose. Let’s just not be that guy this year, okay? Even though it seems silly to write this, just remember that there have been cases of grown men showing up to a party dressed as Middle Eastern terrorists.
That's why below we've taken the time to include a few inappropriate Halloween costumes that you may want to skip this year. We're just looking out for you, yanno? Be sure to share this post – we're kind of determined to find the people that bought the hairy hat below.
If you’re not feeling Tipi Treat Sexy, don’t worry because the website does offer other variations of a Native American. Included but not limited to is the Tribal Tease, Tribal Treat, Tomahawk Hottie, Native Desires, Sexy Reservation Royalty, Rain Dance, Queen of the Tribe, and of course the Chief’s Desire. And if NONE of that does it for you, then there’s always the White Indian.
The people naming and writing copy for the costumes over at Walmart are killing it. The outfit for Goth Lolita isn’t inappropriate but the name suggests otherwise. The term Lolita is used to characterize a sexually precocious young girl and with the description “our deluxe Gothic Lolita is perfect for the ‘tween’ who can’t wait to grow up,” it’s clear that Walmart knows this too. Keep doing you, you guys.
This is offensive because it’s exploiting the male genitalia. If you’re going to write off (bleeding) vaginas on t-shirts as “going too far” then a giant penis naturally has to fall into the same category, amirite? Then again, the costume manufactures did dress him up in a little suit. And everyone knows that a penis donned in a sassy suit can’t be offensive. Therefore, Mr D Head is a double-edged sword.
We could discuss culturally inappropriate costumes all day long but it's getting redundant. So if you’re still confused as to why Tipi Treat Sexy Indian isn’t suitable then maybe you’ll better understand with Eskimo Cutie. Out of the thousand possible costumes and with the power of Google on your side, you’re going to tell me that the best you could do is to dress up as an indigenous person? What is wrong with you?
I know, I know. This holiday has really gone to the dogs if you can’t wear a Turban & Beard for Halloween without it being inappropriate. After all, the costume is merely a turban and a beard – it's no ones fault that the model just happened to be wearing a camouflage shirt on the day of the photoshoot. I’m certainly not saying the T-word, are you saying the T-word? BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WHAT IT'S TRYING TO SUGGEST.
This is cute if you want to come across as douchy and predictable – which again, nothing wrong with that. It is Halloween after all. But look, if you’re going to be a Genie In The Lamp with a blatant sign asking to be rubbed in the genital area then at least wear some proper footwear. What is this Laguna Beach 2004? I don’t know what’s more inappropriate, the allusion to semen or your flip-flops bruh.
Now onto something super quirky. The inflatable girl is literally down on her knees for Count Dracula and she isn’t having a conversation with his reproductive organs – if you know what I’m saying. That’s right, she’s performing the ol’ fellatio. But where’s the cunnilingus? Where’s the costume with a male getting down for a Succubus? It’s the 21st century – where my females at? I’m just looking for some equality.
Just to reiterate – hairy, line-drawn vaginas are still not okay on a t-shirt but feel free to wear a Hairy Pussy Hat for Halloween. Looks like fun except for the fact that it’s already sold out. Bummer there’s no more “hilarious hairy pink vaginas,” which can only mean one thing – someone is showing up to a party this year snuggled in the world’s biggest vagina. Good on you kid.