After attending the Everything To Do With Sex Show in Toronto last month, it was hard to miss the sheer volume and evolution of sex toys. It was frightening and all I could think was WHO IS POSSIBLY BUYING ALL THESE DILDOS?
“Sex toys are actually becoming less taboo, which isn't a surprise since approximately half of the adult population owns one. However, the taboo remains thanks to misinformation with regard to their use and impacts on a relationship,” said Dr. Jess (Jessica O'Reilly PhD Sexologist and best-selling author, in a recent interview.
“Some people believe that sex toys (and vibrators in particular) can be addictive, but the chances of becoming addicted to them are slim to none. Addiction involves impaired behavioural control, constant craving, difficulty recognizing problem behaviours and a dysfunctional emotional response. I have yet to come across a man or woman whose sex toy use amounts to addiction.”
Other fun myths suggest that the use of vibrators can lead to decrease in sensitivity, which leads to no orgasms, which leads to depression. It’s a gateway stimulant. There’s also the folk tale that sex toys will replace all love you feel for your partner because it vibrates and your significant other doesn’t. And don’t forget that the babysitter of a friend of a friend of someone’s sister’s friend was electrocuted and died upon arrival to the hospital after using said sex toy. No one said it was easy reaching climatic heights.
But before you decide to denounce buying and using vibrators or dildos, we took the time to research a few critical reasons why you do in fact need a sex toy in your side drawer. This is hard hitting news at its finest, people.
No more faking it
You guys, 67% of women and 28% of men have faked an orgasm at least once with a partner. That’s a crazy statistic that I’m not even going to try and defend because yes, whatever, stop judging. But no more taking the easy and frustrating way out of an uncomfortable situation. Instead, try introducing a sex toy to the equation (even something as simple as a finger vibrator). It may be the missing link.
Some women can’t climax through penetration alone
If you’re a female relying on penetration to reach the big O and it isn't happening then you need to start changing tactics. As little as 7% of women always have orgasms with sex alone, while 27% say they never do. The vagina is a very complicated organ and there’s no shame in seeking third party help. You do you girl.
“Women who engage in a variety of sexual behaviours (including the use of sex toys) report higher levels of sexual satisfaction and are more likely to orgasm.” – Dr. Jess.
Sex toys don’t judge
It takes you a little extra time to orgasm or it takes you no time at all. Maybe you’re part of the 40% of women who are affected by Female Sexual Dysfunction to some degree and are unable to achieve anything at all. But here’s the beautiful thing about sex toys – they don’t judge. They’re not going to constantly ask if you’re done, if you’re close, or if that was it. And while your hands are great companions (life-long in fact), they won’t vibrate no matter how hard you try.
The struggle is real out there for unattached individuals. Swiping right on Tinder may lead to the occasional hookup but it can also be the worst process and outcome ever. There’s nothing wrong with online dating or using any necessary apps to seek out maximum pleasure but after a dozen terrible OkCupid dates, you’ll understand that sex toys are much easier to handle than small talk.
Spice up the relationship
"Others worry that sex toys replace intimate connection, but this too is a myth. Toys are simply enhancement devices and they cannot compare to personal connections and human touch. In fact, vibrator use actually increases sexual satisfaction in relationships,” said Dr. Jess.
“It should be noted that men like toys too! Some women worry that their toy will intimidate their partners, but a recent study says otherwise. A Kinsey Institute poll of over 3,000 respondents found that 70 percent of men are comfortable with their female lovers using a battery-operated device.”
The struggle is just as real out there for long-distance relationships. Of course, there are Skype sessions, sultry phone voices, suggestive text messages, greeting cards, and other necessary forms of communication in order to survive the thirst. But if all of that starts getting stale, know that there are sex toys that are specifically designed for long-distance relationships – such as the fairly new Zeus and Hera line of intimate toys.
Scientific research may not be able to definitively find the elusive G-spot but ask any female or male that’s experienced a vaginal or anal orgasm – it exists. It may be located in different areas for males and females (obviously) but that doesn’t mean it’s a magical unicorn that was conceived as a sick joke. IT EXISITS. Okay? (Full disclosure, I am not a scientist). Either way, there are several different toys – a wand with a curved end for example – to help find and hit the spot.
Action figures for grownups
You’re a grownup now but that doesn’t mean you have to stop playing with toys, just graduate to a different type of action figure. There are plenty of sizes, colours, limited editions, they’re collectable, can be played with together, and are friendly enough to use in the bathtub. Gotta catch em all, right? However, you may have a hard time selling them at a garage sale once you’ve grown out of a specific model. Don’t bother with that step.
Sexual empowerment and exploration
“Though men and women may be equally concerned with sex, women are more likely to buy toys, books and other enhancement aids.
Perhaps the buying discrepancy is related to the fact that women are encouraged to explore their sexual response (and paths to orgasm) in a wider variety of ways,”
– Dr. Jess.
Get it girl.
Stress reduction and other health benefits
Skip the stress eating. It’s no myth that sexual stimulation positively affects women’s overall health and wellbeing. However, these benefits don’t just end at being temporarily alleviated. They can range from curing a migraine, decreasing stress, improving mood, and even protecting reproductive and pelvic health. So take the cake to bed instead if you know what I’m saying (but don’t actually do this because that’s one mess that ain’t nobody got time for).
Available at anytime at any hour of any day
How many times can you say that about your significant other? Boom. Done. Mic drop.
Dr. Jess on buying a sex toy for the first time
Start with something small and inexpensive. Don't jump into the Rolls Royce of sex toys until you've figured out exactly what you like. Do you prefer vibrations or a rotating toy? Do you like constant pressure and intensity or do you prefer something that offers a variety in terms of rhythm? You can even play with objects around your house (i.e. your cell phone on vibrate or a carrot in a condom) to take inventory of your personal preferences.
Dr. Jess on recommended products
The We-Vibe line of toys is great for couples and singles. The new We-Vibe 4 improves upon the earlier versions (it's smaller and more powerful) and I love the Touch. It is shaped like a thick, flat tongue and is perfect for beginners and aficionados alike. I also recommend The Magic Banana. It's a Canadian kegel exerciser that doubles as a sex toy.
Dr. Jess on where to buy in Toronto
I love Good for Her and Ohhh Canada. They're both focused on quality products and community education, so it's not just about the sales. Through informative workshops and engaging events, they're changing the way we look at sex, intimacy and pleasure. If you're north of the city, Dick and Jane Romance Boutique in Richmond Hill offers similar products, services and a wide range of lingerie.
This weekend’s Gentlemen’s Expo at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre is hosting Dr. Jess as a special guest. For more information on the schedule and event be sure to visit the official website and if you’re a fella planning on attending, read up on 5 Gentlemanly Tips from Todd Shapiro (formerly of The Dean Blundell Show).