10 New Year’s Resolution Fails You're Probably Guilty Of

10 New Year’s Resolution Fails You're Probably Guilty Of

New Year’s resolutions are pretty dumb, really.

It's not so much the history behind them or why making a New Year’s resolution can be beneficial to yourself and the people around you, but because of what the idea of making a New Year's resolution has become.

Who needs to set a date to begin a life improvement, no matter how big or small? Saying you’re going to start something in the New Year just sounds like procrastination to me, anyway. And chances are if that is what you’re doing then you'll most likely end up breaking your little promise to yourself eventually anyway.

It's no wonder why 90% of all New Year’s resolutions fail 100% of the time, so here’s a rundown of some of the most commonly broken New Year’s resolutions I’m sick of hearing about.

Know anyone who makes the same resolution year after year and never keeps it? Share this post to let ‘em know how ridiculous they are! Oh, and how many have you been guilty of?

10 Most Common New Year's Resolution Fails


1. Spend More Time With Family

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This is a popular goal that strengthens family ties, puts you in touch with relatives you haven’t spoken to in a while and makes you feel better about yourself for doing it. But after the holidays are done, you tend to realize you’ve spent so much time with family that you’re sick of them anyway.

2. Quit Smoking

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As if you really need a set date to make a life-changing-saving health choice. Fooling yourself into thinking you pick a day to quit smoking is part of the reason why this fails for so many people. But you might find it easier to do in the winter since  it’s cold and going outside for a smoke is all the more inconvenient. But you know in the back of your mind that as soon as the nice weather rolls around you’ll be patio sippin’ and smoking bots with the best of ‘em.

3. Hit the Gym

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There’s a reason why you can never find a spare elliptical or weight machine in the New Year and they're called January Joiners, otherwise known as “Resolutioners.” These are the people who join the gym every year swearing they’re going to start living healthier, lose weight and get in shape. It seems like a good idea for the first month or two before you realize that running on a treadmill for an hour fucking sucks, you just wasted money on your membership, and you convince yourself that being out of shape and spending your evenings watching Duck Dynasty is far more satisfying.

4. Start Diet

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Going hand-in-hand your newfound gym life, dieting is always a top broken resolution that seems reasonable after going ham over the holidays. Everyone feels the need to cut back once January rolls around, anyway. But the fact is diets suck and there’s a reason why there are so many KFCs in the world and the McRib makes a comeback every year.

5. Learn Something New

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Whether it’s learning a new language, how to cook or start up a new business venture, people tend to choose New Year’s as the time to begin doing it. Some things are easier to learn than others, which is why this fails for so many people. I wish I could learn Spanish, but I know that will never happen because I have a tough enough time with English as it is. Being realistic and planning to learn something you actually see yourself being capable of is the only way this resolution can work.

Learning is hard.

6. Change Careers

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Whether you’re stuck in a damn cubicle, pumping port-o-potties or answering phones for any hated service provider, you gotta get out of there. So people decide that January 1st is the day they begin finding a new job, and after doing so often come to realize that finding a new career is as hard as landing the one they have now. That’s not to say it’s impossible, but maybe you’ve had it too good for too long at your workplace and have forgotten how real the struggle can actually be out there.

7. Pay off Debt

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When it comes to being suckered into credit cards, student loans and not having a decent enough job to dig your way out of debt, being young fucking sucks. So paying off whatever money you owe and stacking paper is always a popular New Year’s resolution idea that seems plausible. But then the new iPhone drops. Your transmission goes. The spring wedding invitations arrive. Everything costs money and sometimes communism doesn’t seem so bad.

8. Drink Less

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Drinking less can also coincide with your plans to save money, lose weight and quit smoking. And cutting back on booze always seems like a good and plausible idea on New Year’s Day when you wake up with a headache groaning, “Uhhhh, I’m never drinking again.” But even though your memory of New Year’s Eve was foggy, you know you had fun doing that shit and will do it time and time again.

9. Read More

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Some people are book addicts. But if you’re making a resolution to read more in the New Year, chances are you believe that in an age of PS4s, Xbox Ones and the ability to stream anything you want whenever you want, ain’t nobody got time for books. So you decide this is your year to hit up Chapters, pick something out and do your brain right. Only when you sit down to read it, anxiety runs though the back of your mind about what you might possibly be missing on TV. So you give it a few tries and end up letting it sit on your coffee table with the same bookmark sitting 50 pages in for the remainder of the year. Who needs books when they make all the good ones into TV shows or movies, anyway?

10. Become a Better Person

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If you’re making it a point to be a better person in the New Year, chances are you might be a big jerk. Helping others, making charitable donations and being friendlier overall are all things we should try to improve on in everyday life. But if you’re setting your goal to do so as a New Year’s resolution, it might already be too late for you.


Pete Richards
Pete Richards

If Star Wars and Van Damme had a baby, it would be me.